The Four R’s of Punishment

Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, Ed. D is “The classic guide to helping children develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and problem-solving skills.” Everybody agrees that adults have the ability to help or hinder a child’s development. However, disagreements about discipline are common. Positive Discipline promotes a system of positive discipline (no surprises there). To do this, the book examines why children misbehave, how punishment differs from discipline, what adults do to make bad situations worse, and much more. Each chapter comes with a review section and some questions to help readers remember the main points. As I read, I will post and answer questions that I feel are insightful, easy to remember, or just seem relevant..

What are the Four R’s of Punishment?

One of the headings in chapter one is Beware of What Works. This means that parents are often fooled into thinking punishment is a solution because it stops immediate misbehavior. Unfortunately, according to Nelson, punishment leads to negative long-term results, the Four R’s. Children usually adopt one or more of these R’s.

The Four R’s of Punishment

1. Resentment – Children think the situation is unfair or they are being treated poorly for no good reason. They may begin to distrust adults or other sources of authority believing somebody is out to get them.
2. Revenge – While punishment may stop misbehavior right now, a vengeful child may consider it just one lost battle in a long war. They feel they will come back again to get even in the future.
3. Rebellion – A child believes they need to misbehave in attempt to show an authority figure they are their own person and can not be bossed around. This is more than healthy self-expression; this is spiteful misbehavior simply to cause problems.
4. Retreat:
   1. Sneakiness – Children might develop a well-honed sense of deceit. Instead of misbehaving less they learn to not get caught.
   2. Reduced self-esteem – These children believe they are bad people and somehow deserve the punishment they are receiving. I personally believe this is the worst of these character traits because if you have negative feelings about someone else you can try to remove yourself from the situation. But you can’t escape yourself.